Monday, July 7, 2008

Happy Earth Day, Bitches

April 22nd, 2008 by Evil Carbon

The Final Frontier

So, today is Earth Day. I started thinking… what can I do to celebrate? Good thing wikihow.com provides a list of 15 ways to celebrate. I’m just going to pick my 5 favorites.

  1. Reduce, reuse and recycle all day long (but after that, I’m done)
  2. Sing or listen to “Earth” songs (I am going to limit this 3 John Denver songs and my own version of “Home on the Range”)
  3. Consider buying a carbon offset to make up for the greenhouse gas emissions you create on the other 364 days of the year (OK, I considered it… riduculous)
  4. Wear green and/or brown (because this will fix it!!)
  5. Hold an Earth Day fair (because the best way to celebrate Earth Day is to use posterboard and markers)

Now that I have done my part, I encourage you to comment with your own ideas. Recycle your feces, buy some $10.00 light bulbs, or meditate (whatever it takes to clear you conscience).

Have a rockin’ Earth Day, you deserve it!

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Posted in Smart People, Smart Products, Stupid Ideas, Stupid People, Stupid Products | 9 Comments »

World’s Most Obnoxious Blogger?

April 21st, 2008 by Evil Carbon

Finally someone said it. EvilCarbon.com was nominated for the “Most Obnoxious Blogger” at the blogger’s choice awards. I say vote, vote, vote. No one has directly called me “obnoxious”, but I have been called a “sick human being”, a moron, a dumb human, a sucker, angry and a tool.

I disagree.

I did have a sinus infection last week but I don’t think that makes me “sick”. A moron describes a person with a mental age located between eight and 12 (IQ of 51-70), I scored over 120. Dumb human, who talks like that? A sucker, no. Angry, maybe a little. A tool? Not when the comment comes from this guy, Damien McGrath (damo_103@hotmail.com).

Obnoxious? Well, I just might be.

My site was nominated for Most Obnoxious Blogger!

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Posted in Smart Ideas, Smart People, Stupid Ideas, Stupid People | 3 Comments »

The CFL vs. CFL’s: Which sucks more?

February 26th, 2008 by Evil Carbon

CFL vs. CFL's:  Which sucks more?

Ding, ding, ding!In the red corner we the CFL, the Canadian Football League, fighting out of the Great White North, wearing multi-colored trunks with fringe. In the blue corner (or should it be GREEN??) we have CFL’s, Compact Fluorescent Light Bulbs, fighting out of third-world manufacturing facilities around the world, wearing “eco-friendly” plastic packaging with an equally green warning label.

OK, you had your instructions in the dressing room, protect yourself at all times and come out fighting.

Where do I start…

Cost

    Compact Fluorescent Light Bulbs - Average cost $2.00-3.50
    Canadian Football League - Average ticket price CA $37.50 per game ($37.63 USD)
    Winner: Canadian Football League (More entertainment for the buck)

Names

    Compact Fluorescent Light Bulbs - Daylight, Twister, Soft White, Light Effects
    Canadian Football League - Roughriders, Tiger-Cats, Argonauts, Alouettes
    Winner: Canadian Football League (Almost lost because of the Alouettes, a French cheese)

Warnings

Positives

Fans

    Compact Fluorescent Light Bulbs - Hot hippie chicks, Al Gore, General Electric
    Canadian Football League - The 8 guys in Canada that think hockey sucks, all the NCAA Division II NFL hopefuls, Fantasy Football players who have a real problem (there’s only 8 teams, guys!!)
    Winner: Compact Fluorescent Light Bulbs (Sorry, I dig hippie chicks)

And the overall winner is…

A TIE!! They both suck. Read the rest of this entry »

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Posted in Stupid Ideas, Stupid People, Stupid Products | 5 Comments »

Earthrace - A $3,000,000 wave-busting turd

January 4th, 2008 by Evil Carbon

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I am sure you haven’t heard about this yet.

Earthrace

Earthrace, a weird looking, “wave piercing trimaran”, a.k.a. a boat, will try to set the world record for circumnavigating the globe by powerboat (current record 74 days, 23 hours and 53 minutes, they’re shooting for 65 days). The catch? Earthrace will handcuff itself, Houdini style, “by running on exclusively 100% Biodiesel fuel, and with a net zero carbon footprint. Admirable goals, you might say… let’s look closer. Biodiesel fuel, while not uncommon anymore, is also not widely available. “The voyage includes twelve refueling stops at various ports around the globe. For around half of them, we are linking in with existing biodiesel producers and marketers who are sponsoring fuel. For the others however, such as Majuro (Marshall Islands), Koror (Palau) and Panama, we are shipping fuel which will be ready at the dock when we arrive.” Let me get this straight, Earthrace will guzzle over 7,000+ gallons of 100% Biodiesel fuel ($3.50/gallon x 7,000 gallons = $24,500) and leave no carbon footprint? As far as I can find, biodiesel is 74% cleaner than regular diesel. So what about the other 26%? And how exactly is the 3,500+ gallons getting to the Marshall Islands, Palau and Panama? The Gossamer Albatross? My guess regular tanker boats and trunks running regular diesel. Not to mention all the “volunteers” and support crew traveling in their cars, boats and planes to assist in the journey. That’s a lot of “zero carbon footprint” in the name of saving the earth. Nice scam guys.

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Posted in Stupid Ideas, Stupid People, Stupid Products | 7 Comments »

Gore drops the Bali

December 16th, 2007 by Evil Carbon

So I was sitting here watching the Cleveland-Buffalo game (getting hammered by 8″ of “global warming”) and thinking to myself, what ever happened to the global warming conference in Bali? So I did some reading… the first headline that caught my eye was, “Gore faults U.S. for impeding global warming negotiations.” Why is Algore so intent on making the US look like the chain smokers of the world? Easy… IT SELLS!!! Please read the article. No mention of his private jet that flew 20,000+ miles to get to and from Indonesia or his multiple estates that suck more energy that a small city. Hmmm… Perhaps the former US vice-president spoke too soon.

Let’s talk about Algore (and Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC)) winning the Nobel Prize for “ for their efforts to build up and disseminate greater knowledge about man-made climate change, and to lay the foundations for the measures that are needed to counteract such change“. OK, I feel warm and fuzzy. Now, how about the 1907 Nobel Prize for Chemistry… Svante Arrhenius - Greenhouse effect as cause for ice ages. Huh? A chemist or a total bullshitting, self-serving politician. Your choice.

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Posted in Stupid People | 2 Comments »